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Today I have been thinking a lot about Job. A man in the bible who was just walking through is blessed life, living for God. He had amazing faith, prayed for his 10 children and managed his wealth in a way that honored God. Then one day he lost it all. His children died, his wealth was gone, his life was in ruins. All he was left with was a nagging wife who told him to give up and die. Oh the despair of Job's life.
So what was the point? Why did God allow Job to face such difficult trials? If God loved Job so much why all the heartache? Ever feel that way? Like life goes from one big mess to another? Like the trials seem to run into each other and you just can't figure out why you are going through it all?
I am sure that God had a lot of reasons for letting Job go through his heart breaking life. I am sure he was doing things we can't even begin to understand. But today there is one reason I can't get away from. I believe God wanted to show Job who He really was.
Job was a man of great faith. After all, that is the reason Satan wanted to attack his life and try to destroy him. In the words of Job's wife, Satan's goal was to get Job to "curse God and die".
Chapter after chapter the book of Job is full of the discussions Job had with his "friends" as they questioned why God would allow these horrible things to happen to Job. What sin could he be hiding to deserve the judgment of God like this? What had Job done to displease God? Over and over his friends came up with their theology and their reasons for why God would do this. Over and over Job answered with his own thoughts and beliefs. The whole book is basically man's best attempt at understand why God does what he does. And that is where the problem lies. Man will never be God, we will never fully understand his perspective.
And so I see the book of Job in a new light today. I am looking at this man's life who was full of despair and loss and trials he couldn't have imagined facing and I see that, if for no other reason, maybe God chose to take him down this path to show him who He was. Maybe, just maybe, the whole point of the trial was so that God could reveal himself to Job.
As Job and his friends debate you can almost see the revelations Job received. Job 9:30-33 says "If I wash myself with snow water, and make my hands ever so clean; Yet I will be plunged in a ditch, and my own clothes will abhor me. For he is not a man, as I am, that I should answer Him, and we should come together in judgment. Neither is there any daysman between us, that might lay his hand upon us both." And Job 16:17 says "My friends scorn me: but mine eyes pour out tears unto God. Oh that one might plead for a man with God, as a man pleads for his neighbor." Job saw that he was unclean. That his sins could not be washed away in his own strength. He knew that there was no way to reach out to God with out help. He longed for someone to stand between him and God and plead his case.
In Job 19:25 Job sees a glimpse of Jesus and that he would indeed stand between man and God. He says "For I know that my redeemer lives, and that he shall stand at that latter day upon the earth." He declares his faith in a God he can barely glimpse by saying in Job 1:21 "Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord". As he and his friends debate the question of why, Job begins to see that it is the wrong question. Rather he needs to be asking "who?" Who is God? Who is he really? Do we really know Him? Do we really see Him for who he is? Do we have a revelation of the Redeemer who lives? Do we realize that He is so much greater and so much higher than we can fathom?
God speaks to Job at the end of the book. He shows Job that in all his knowledge of God, he still didn't really know Him. And maybe, just maybe, this trial taught Job the greatest lesson of all. To not ask "why?" but "who?" To not seek the answers to why we are going through what we are going through, but to settle in our hearts that whatever may came our way, we will seek the very heart of God. That we will seek to know Him more. To find his heart in the midst of the storm. To look for the Redeemer who lives in the midst of our heart ache and to cling to Him.
So today, no matter what you face, ask yourself "Who is God anyway?" Do I really know Him like I think I do? And embrace your trials as a chance to know your God more. For God longs to reveal Himself to you. He wants to pour Himself into you and build a firm foundation for you to stand on in any storm you face.
May God bless you as you seek Him in your storm.
Tuesday, February 10
Wednesday, December 31
A Prayer From Years Past
This morning I was going through some old papers I have from High School. I found all kinds of poems and songs and things I had written to express my heart. It was amazing to read things I had written as a teenager and to have all the old memories become crystal clear again. I wanted to share something I wrote entitled simply "A Prayer".
Feb 28, 1993
A Prayer
Lord-
It seems just last week I prayed You'd build a protective wall around me. A wall that would keep people far enough away that I'd never get really hurt again. Well, now You've opened my eyes and I realized I've built a wall on my own. And unfortunately, somehow, I find You got shoved just outside the wall. Without realizing it, I've built the wall around myself, all on my own. A wall of fear, uncertainty, worry, insecurity, stress and worst of all, loneliness.
I see myself peeping over the wall wondering how it could have happened so fast. When I realize its been growing steadily for sometime. I've blocked You and everyone else out for so long I didn't even notice the wall is so high I can barely look over it. How could I have let this happen? When I prayed for protection I didn't see what I should have asked for. I didn't need a wall, but Your love.
No matter what happens, a wall will only hurt me, but Your love can heal me. I don't need a stack of bricks as cold as ice around my heart to protect me, I need Your love and forgiveness to heal my pain.
Please, somehow, help me take my wall down and rebuild my self protection with Your love and assurence. Help me rely on You to fill my needs and help me deal with my problems instead of hiding behind my fortress of bitterness and anger.
My walls will only crumple in on me if someone attacks me, but if I turn to You, and rely on Your grace to protect me, a person won't be able to reach the center of who I am, the soul of myself.
I'll have my share of scrapes and bruises, but at least they'll get bandaged up by Your loving hands. Please open my eyes, ears, and heart to You.
What amazes me is that this cry for healing stayed in my heart for years. Then in 1998 God brought all that pain, all the hurt, fear and loneliness to a place of reckoning. I couldn't keep walking in my brokenness and a cry to be made whole consumed my heart. God gave me a promise that summer that he would "make me whole".
Now a decade later I am preparing to teach a bible study to women about being made whole. I know that I still have issues I struggle with, but I can see how God truly has made my heart whole in so many ways. All the bitterness, anger and hurt that used to fill my life seem like a vague memory. When I stop and search my heart of hearts I find a deep and everlasting love that has become a foundation to stand on in any storm. God truly has traded all my sorrows for joy. I have so much to be thankful for.
This New Year's Eve I don't have any thoughts of what this year might hold. I don't know what trials or joys may come my way. But I do know where I have come from. I know that God has delivered me out of some very dark pits and set my feet on the rock of His love. I know that He will never forsake me or leave me. That His heart for me is consumed with an everlasting love with no end. And because of that, I can rejoice in the upcoming year. It is in the hands of a might God who loves me eternally.
No matter what our new year might bring our way, I pray that you find your heart and life filled with unexpected blessings. That you will know God's love in a new and deeper way. God Bless You!!!!
Feb 28, 1993
A Prayer
Lord-
It seems just last week I prayed You'd build a protective wall around me. A wall that would keep people far enough away that I'd never get really hurt again. Well, now You've opened my eyes and I realized I've built a wall on my own. And unfortunately, somehow, I find You got shoved just outside the wall. Without realizing it, I've built the wall around myself, all on my own. A wall of fear, uncertainty, worry, insecurity, stress and worst of all, loneliness.
I see myself peeping over the wall wondering how it could have happened so fast. When I realize its been growing steadily for sometime. I've blocked You and everyone else out for so long I didn't even notice the wall is so high I can barely look over it. How could I have let this happen? When I prayed for protection I didn't see what I should have asked for. I didn't need a wall, but Your love.
No matter what happens, a wall will only hurt me, but Your love can heal me. I don't need a stack of bricks as cold as ice around my heart to protect me, I need Your love and forgiveness to heal my pain.
Please, somehow, help me take my wall down and rebuild my self protection with Your love and assurence. Help me rely on You to fill my needs and help me deal with my problems instead of hiding behind my fortress of bitterness and anger.
My walls will only crumple in on me if someone attacks me, but if I turn to You, and rely on Your grace to protect me, a person won't be able to reach the center of who I am, the soul of myself.
I'll have my share of scrapes and bruises, but at least they'll get bandaged up by Your loving hands. Please open my eyes, ears, and heart to You.
What amazes me is that this cry for healing stayed in my heart for years. Then in 1998 God brought all that pain, all the hurt, fear and loneliness to a place of reckoning. I couldn't keep walking in my brokenness and a cry to be made whole consumed my heart. God gave me a promise that summer that he would "make me whole".
Now a decade later I am preparing to teach a bible study to women about being made whole. I know that I still have issues I struggle with, but I can see how God truly has made my heart whole in so many ways. All the bitterness, anger and hurt that used to fill my life seem like a vague memory. When I stop and search my heart of hearts I find a deep and everlasting love that has become a foundation to stand on in any storm. God truly has traded all my sorrows for joy. I have so much to be thankful for.
This New Year's Eve I don't have any thoughts of what this year might hold. I don't know what trials or joys may come my way. But I do know where I have come from. I know that God has delivered me out of some very dark pits and set my feet on the rock of His love. I know that He will never forsake me or leave me. That His heart for me is consumed with an everlasting love with no end. And because of that, I can rejoice in the upcoming year. It is in the hands of a might God who loves me eternally.
No matter what our new year might bring our way, I pray that you find your heart and life filled with unexpected blessings. That you will know God's love in a new and deeper way. God Bless You!!!!
Tuesday, December 16
A Sister in Need
This Christmas I have been thinking about the Christmas story in a new way. I was asked to speak at our church's Women's Ministry Christmas party last week. As I prepared to speak I kept reading through the Christmas story wondering if there was an angle in it for women. And not just the "tried and true" faithful Mary story. God began to show me something that really blessed me. I didn't end up speaking on it at the party, but want to share it with all of you who read my blog.
Believe it or not there is women's ministry in the story of Christmas. It is found in the relationship between Mary and Elisabeth. The young girl, Mary, was in a terrible crisis in her life. She was bearly a teenager and finds herself the fulfillment of the greatest prophecies of all time. She is going to bear a child out of wedlock. What to think about that! She is thrilled, but as she tells her parents and betrothed she finds herself in a battle that overwhelms her. Imagine what her parents thought? They must have been so humiliated, hurt and angry with her. I doubt they believed her story, would you? Then there is Joseph. The young, trusting fiance who has devoted his life and future to her. We all know that he was thrown for a loop! He must have said some pretty hurtful things in his own pain and confusion. So all of that leaves us with one very hurt young girl who, most likely, hadn't had to face a trial this fierce in her whole life. She is, after all, just a teenager.
Who does Mary turn to in her time of need? Her parents whom she has always been able to trust and run to with her problems? Her future husband who is suppose to love and cherish her til "death do us part"? These people have all disappointed and hurt her. Who can she possibly turn to?
This is where the story leads us to Elisabeth. A woman who has lived life. She has faced the shame of being childless. She has had to live with all the whispers of the neighbors. She has had to ignore the looks of mothers as they pass her in the street and wonder what sin Elisabeth could possibly have committed to deserve the curse of barrenness. She has had to live with the ache in her heart of unfulfilled dreams. She has had to learn how to fill her life with God and not the things of this world. She also has something in common with Mary. She too, has the promise from an angel that she will bear a special son of prophecy. She too, has had to stand in faith on God's word when all seemed impossible. She is on the other side of the trial, realizing the blessing of God's faithfulness. She is the perfect person for Mary to run to to find comfort and strength.
So Mary packs her bags and heads out on the long journey to visit Elisabeth. She is weary, tired, and in the greatest trial of her life. She arrives at Elisabeth's door and is greeted with encouragement, affirmation, and the very heart of God for her. Yes the child she bears is indeed the Messiah, the coming savior. Elisabeth's greeting so encouraged Mary that she breaks out in praises to God. In fact this is one of the only times you will see a song of praise written out in the Gospels (Zachariah says one at the birth of John as well). We don't know all of what Elisabeth said to Mary in that moment. The Gospels are very brief in her comments. But we do know that Mary begins to praise God for who he is and what he is doing through her life and her trial.
Mary spent three months living with Elisabeth. Three months being encouraged, strengthened and prayed for. Three months of listening to the wisdom of Elisabeth. Three months of being told she is indeed carrying the Messiah. What an amazing gift Elisabeth gave to Mary.
So the question I have for you is: Are you a Mary or an Elisabeth right now? Are you in a trial you feel you can't bear on your own? Are you someone who has encouragement and strength to offer other women in need? We all need each other so much. As women we especially need the strength that comes from other women. We can be such a blessing to each other if we are willing to risk a little and give from our hearts.
And so this Christmas I challenge you to see who you can reach out to. Or who you can trust with your burden. We need each other and we need to be reminded of just how awesome our God is.
If you are feeling discouraged and overwhelmed know that Jesus wasn't just a baby born in a manger, he came to be your healer, the lifter of your burdens, and the one you can trust your heart to. Even if you don't have an Elisabeth in your life right now, you have the love of Almighty God reaching out to you in the gift of his son. And he does love you, with an everlasting love.
Let me know if you need any prayer! Leave an anonymous comment or share your heart with others in a comment
And Merry Christmas!
Believe it or not there is women's ministry in the story of Christmas. It is found in the relationship between Mary and Elisabeth. The young girl, Mary, was in a terrible crisis in her life. She was bearly a teenager and finds herself the fulfillment of the greatest prophecies of all time. She is going to bear a child out of wedlock. What to think about that! She is thrilled, but as she tells her parents and betrothed she finds herself in a battle that overwhelms her. Imagine what her parents thought? They must have been so humiliated, hurt and angry with her. I doubt they believed her story, would you? Then there is Joseph. The young, trusting fiance who has devoted his life and future to her. We all know that he was thrown for a loop! He must have said some pretty hurtful things in his own pain and confusion. So all of that leaves us with one very hurt young girl who, most likely, hadn't had to face a trial this fierce in her whole life. She is, after all, just a teenager.
Who does Mary turn to in her time of need? Her parents whom she has always been able to trust and run to with her problems? Her future husband who is suppose to love and cherish her til "death do us part"? These people have all disappointed and hurt her. Who can she possibly turn to?
This is where the story leads us to Elisabeth. A woman who has lived life. She has faced the shame of being childless. She has had to live with all the whispers of the neighbors. She has had to ignore the looks of mothers as they pass her in the street and wonder what sin Elisabeth could possibly have committed to deserve the curse of barrenness. She has had to live with the ache in her heart of unfulfilled dreams. She has had to learn how to fill her life with God and not the things of this world. She also has something in common with Mary. She too, has the promise from an angel that she will bear a special son of prophecy. She too, has had to stand in faith on God's word when all seemed impossible. She is on the other side of the trial, realizing the blessing of God's faithfulness. She is the perfect person for Mary to run to to find comfort and strength.
So Mary packs her bags and heads out on the long journey to visit Elisabeth. She is weary, tired, and in the greatest trial of her life. She arrives at Elisabeth's door and is greeted with encouragement, affirmation, and the very heart of God for her. Yes the child she bears is indeed the Messiah, the coming savior. Elisabeth's greeting so encouraged Mary that she breaks out in praises to God. In fact this is one of the only times you will see a song of praise written out in the Gospels (Zachariah says one at the birth of John as well). We don't know all of what Elisabeth said to Mary in that moment. The Gospels are very brief in her comments. But we do know that Mary begins to praise God for who he is and what he is doing through her life and her trial.
Mary spent three months living with Elisabeth. Three months being encouraged, strengthened and prayed for. Three months of listening to the wisdom of Elisabeth. Three months of being told she is indeed carrying the Messiah. What an amazing gift Elisabeth gave to Mary.
So the question I have for you is: Are you a Mary or an Elisabeth right now? Are you in a trial you feel you can't bear on your own? Are you someone who has encouragement and strength to offer other women in need? We all need each other so much. As women we especially need the strength that comes from other women. We can be such a blessing to each other if we are willing to risk a little and give from our hearts.
And so this Christmas I challenge you to see who you can reach out to. Or who you can trust with your burden. We need each other and we need to be reminded of just how awesome our God is.
If you are feeling discouraged and overwhelmed know that Jesus wasn't just a baby born in a manger, he came to be your healer, the lifter of your burdens, and the one you can trust your heart to. Even if you don't have an Elisabeth in your life right now, you have the love of Almighty God reaching out to you in the gift of his son. And he does love you, with an everlasting love.
Let me know if you need any prayer! Leave an anonymous comment or share your heart with others in a comment
And Merry Christmas!
Sunday, November 2
The Still Small Voice
Tonight as I put the girls to bed I had a wonderful conversation with them about the presence of God. I just wanted to share with you the truth that struck me as so simple, and yet so profound.
Lately I have been trying to get my girls to understand that when we pray, it is like talking to Jesus. I want them to understand that we don't just pray with them as a nice bedtime routine. I have been trying to explain to Alanna what it is like to feel the presence of God in your heart. How do you describe to a 7 year old what the peace of God feels like? Or how the Holy Spirit can move on your heart? These abstract concepts are so vital for our walk with God that I tremble at the thought of somehow not teaching my children how to experience God for themselves.
As I was trying to explain to the girls the stillness that God brings to your heart when you pray, a story came to mind. The story of Elijah and the presence of God. Elijah was hiding from Jezebel when God shows up. First, there was a mighty wind that tore at the mountain, but God wasn't in the raging wind. Then there was an earthquake that shook the very ground Elijah stood on, but God wasn't in the earthquake. Next there was a fire that could consume in a minute with it's mighty heat, but God wasn't in the fire. God is almighty, all consuming, he can do anything, be anything, but he chose not reveal his presence in these powerful forces. Finally, Elijah heard a still small voice. It was when he heard the gentle voice, that Elijah stepped out from where he was hiding and spoke directly with God. He found God in the stillness, in a quiet place.
As I related this story to the girls I asked myself "why would God choose a still small voice?" He could choose to reveal himself in anything, why in a whisper? In my heart of hearts I knew why, but I had never tried to simplify it for a child to understand. So I explained it the only way I knew how.
I was telling the girls that God's voice is like a gentle whisper that calls to you. I was talking in a hushed voice for affect. I explained that God could shout if he wanted to. He could make it really easy for anyone to hear him by yelling out to us, but he chooses to whisper to our hearts. I related God's still small voice to our "secrets" game. You see, as a family, we have great fun telling each other "secrets". We will cup our hand over our mouth and tell one of the girls that we have a secret for them. Their eyes light up and they come running over to hear what the secret will be. Most of the time we just whisper "I love you". But sometime we will have a sweet message to share with them.
As I related our whisper game to God I asked them a few questions. I asked if they loved me. They said yes. I asked if they liked it when I whispered a special message just for them to hear. Again their answer was yes. Then I asked if they would hear my secret if they were busy with other things and running around playing. They said no. I asked if they liked it when I shouted or yelled at them, again the answer was no. It was at this point I explained to them that it is the same with God. He will gently tug on our hearts with a still small voice. He will call our name and see if we will stop long enough to hear his voice. And if we love him, we will want to stop everything to hear what he has to say to us, just like they do when we play our secrets game. I explained that often Jesus is just calling us to stop and listen so he can tell us just how much he loves us. It may be through a scripture, or a song, or just a gentle knowing that his love is everlasting and that it is toward us. I explained that His presence is that quiet stillness we feel when we stop and pray. It is the calm that fills our heart and soul when we lean real close to hear the quiet whisper from the heart of God.
As I type this I, myself, am convicted by how busy I get in my own life and miss that gentle calling. I am going to make an effort to stop this week and hear what Jesus is trying to whisper to me. He may just be saying he loves me, or he may have something profound to show my heart. Whatever it is, if it is from God, I don't want to miss it!
I hope you find yourself stopping to lean in and hear what the very heart of God is saying to you this week!
Lately I have been trying to get my girls to understand that when we pray, it is like talking to Jesus. I want them to understand that we don't just pray with them as a nice bedtime routine. I have been trying to explain to Alanna what it is like to feel the presence of God in your heart. How do you describe to a 7 year old what the peace of God feels like? Or how the Holy Spirit can move on your heart? These abstract concepts are so vital for our walk with God that I tremble at the thought of somehow not teaching my children how to experience God for themselves.
As I was trying to explain to the girls the stillness that God brings to your heart when you pray, a story came to mind. The story of Elijah and the presence of God. Elijah was hiding from Jezebel when God shows up. First, there was a mighty wind that tore at the mountain, but God wasn't in the raging wind. Then there was an earthquake that shook the very ground Elijah stood on, but God wasn't in the earthquake. Next there was a fire that could consume in a minute with it's mighty heat, but God wasn't in the fire. God is almighty, all consuming, he can do anything, be anything, but he chose not reveal his presence in these powerful forces. Finally, Elijah heard a still small voice. It was when he heard the gentle voice, that Elijah stepped out from where he was hiding and spoke directly with God. He found God in the stillness, in a quiet place.
As I related this story to the girls I asked myself "why would God choose a still small voice?" He could choose to reveal himself in anything, why in a whisper? In my heart of hearts I knew why, but I had never tried to simplify it for a child to understand. So I explained it the only way I knew how.
I was telling the girls that God's voice is like a gentle whisper that calls to you. I was talking in a hushed voice for affect. I explained that God could shout if he wanted to. He could make it really easy for anyone to hear him by yelling out to us, but he chooses to whisper to our hearts. I related God's still small voice to our "secrets" game. You see, as a family, we have great fun telling each other "secrets". We will cup our hand over our mouth and tell one of the girls that we have a secret for them. Their eyes light up and they come running over to hear what the secret will be. Most of the time we just whisper "I love you". But sometime we will have a sweet message to share with them.
As I related our whisper game to God I asked them a few questions. I asked if they loved me. They said yes. I asked if they liked it when I whispered a special message just for them to hear. Again their answer was yes. Then I asked if they would hear my secret if they were busy with other things and running around playing. They said no. I asked if they liked it when I shouted or yelled at them, again the answer was no. It was at this point I explained to them that it is the same with God. He will gently tug on our hearts with a still small voice. He will call our name and see if we will stop long enough to hear his voice. And if we love him, we will want to stop everything to hear what he has to say to us, just like they do when we play our secrets game. I explained that often Jesus is just calling us to stop and listen so he can tell us just how much he loves us. It may be through a scripture, or a song, or just a gentle knowing that his love is everlasting and that it is toward us. I explained that His presence is that quiet stillness we feel when we stop and pray. It is the calm that fills our heart and soul when we lean real close to hear the quiet whisper from the heart of God.
As I type this I, myself, am convicted by how busy I get in my own life and miss that gentle calling. I am going to make an effort to stop this week and hear what Jesus is trying to whisper to me. He may just be saying he loves me, or he may have something profound to show my heart. Whatever it is, if it is from God, I don't want to miss it!
I hope you find yourself stopping to lean in and hear what the very heart of God is saying to you this week!
Tuesday, September 16
Are We Desperate Enough for Him?
Well here is my second blog entry on my bible study "Being made whole". Usually when I write a blog post I am all excited and have some passion about what I am writing. Today I am more walking in faith. Which is really quite ironic... well you will see as you read why stepping out in faith is fitting for this blog entry!
I recently told a friend who just started reading my blog about what this entry was going to be about. I told her it was the one story of the 9 I am studying that I dreaded the most. It is the story of the Gentile woman who begs Jesus to heal her daughter and Jesus calls her a dog! Yikes... where do you go with that one? But really it is quite a fitting story for each and every one of us. So I hope you can relate to the story where Jesus calls a woman a dog! (Mt 15:21-31)
The story starts on the coasts of Tyre and Sidon just north of Israel. The woman who seeks Jesus out was a Canaanite woman, a gentile and a pagan. Her daughter is possessed and she is desperate for her to be healed. She has heard of Jesus and his healings. She hears that he has traveled to the boarders of her country and so she immediately sets off to find the only person who can help her, the messiah
The woman has traveled to find Jesus and as she sees him in the distance she begins to cry in a loud voice "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is possessed by a demon!" She recognized that she needed God's mercy in her life, she was desperate for it. She also knew Jesus was the messiah. Son of David is a title used for the messiah. But she made the claim for him to be her Lord as well. Her master. Here she is crying out with all her heart, in desperation for God's mercy, and what does Jesus do? Ignore her.
Have you ever felt like that? Like you have poured out your heart to God and yet he seems so far away? I sure have. And not just once or twice, but over and over again. Again and again in my life I have related to the prophet Jeremiah when he says "Even when I cry and shout for help, He shuts out my prayer." or "You have covered Yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through" (Lam 3:8,44). It is a terrifying feeling to cry out to God in desperation and not feel his presence or hear an answer.
And how do the disciples respond to her cries for help? Do they tell Jesus "Help this poor distraught mother, she is begging you to help her" ? NO! They tell Jesus to get rid of her. She is driving them crazy with all her shouting. Sometimes the body of Christ can be like this. It can really hurt when people don't understand why we are crying out to God so desperately.
I can remember two times in my life when people came to me and asked me why I was crying out to God like I was. The first time was when I was in high school. I had a pretty rough home life and it seemed every altar call was for me. I was so hungry for Jesus and in such desperate need of his mercy in my life. I remember a friend telling me that he and his mother were wondering why in the world I kept going up to all the altar calls. It was like a slap in my face. You can imagine I held back going to the altar for the rest of the time I attended that church. Another time I was in a season of deep healing with God. He was teaching me to forgive those who had abused me over the years. I spent more days than not with tears in my eyes. I had a respected leader in my life ask me why I was always crying. Again it was slap in my face! God was doing so much in my heart I couldn't help but cry all the time! To this day I have a hard time going up to for an altar call or asking for prayer because of these incidents. I pray I never discourage someone desperate for Jesus to cry out to Him!
So I ask, could this story get worse? Here she is crying out to Jesus, He is ignoring her and the disciples are trying to get rid of her. What more could go wrong to discourage her? The woman sees that she isn't getting any results from crying out, so she decides to draw near to him. Jesus' silence has provoked her to seek him. To draw closer to Him.
The gentile woman finally reaches Jesus and she kneels down at his feet, worships him and pleads with Jesus "Lord help me". You would think Jesus would gently put a hand on her head, tell her to rise up, her daughter is healed. Isn't that the Jesus we know? The ever patient and loving God who never turns a hurt soul away? But what does he say to her? "it is not right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs" (15:26). OK, I don't know about you, but if I was that lady, I would have turn around and run home with tears streaming down my face! Jesus just called her a dog! That was a derogatory term used to describe a gentile pagans in those days. Perhaps you could think of a few derogatory names people use to describe others that aren't like them. It was not a compliment in the least.
But what does the woman do? She acknowledges that she is a dog. She knows she is nothing in and of herself. She knows that she is not worthy of Jesus. She knows that she is relying solely on his mercy. She believes that even just a "crumb" from God will solve her problems (15:27)
Are we in a place where we know we are nothing? I seem to go through phases in my walk. It seems that there are layers of knowing my own worthless heart is hopeless w/o His mercy. I suppose if I saw all the areas of my heart at once I would be undone. The question isn't whether our heart is unworthy, the question is what we do when we realize we are unworthy. Do we prostrate ourselves before Jesus in worship and tell him that all we ask for is his mercy as this woman did? Or do we turn and run and feel sorry for ourselves?
Jesus was not trying to be mean to this woman. He was just doing what God does best, drawing her to an intimate place of worship with Him. Sometimes God has to seem silent or uncaring to us so that we will press in to seek him more. Sometimes he makes it seem like our prayers are hitting the ceiling and bouncing back to us, so that we will run to him and cry out all the more.
Finally Jesus turns to the woman and tells her that incredible faith in him and he makes her daughter whole. He wasn't ignoring her, he wasn't putting her down, he was reaching into her heart to find her faith. And he was not disappointed.
Earlier I said that I could relate to Jeremiah in Lam 3. I could understand his despair. But in the middle of that chapter there is an amazing picture of hope and grace. Lam 3:18-26 says:
My strength and my hope is perished from the LORD:
Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall.
My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.
I know I refer to that scripture a lot, but God has written it so deep with in my heart that I can't ever seem to get away from it. When everything seems dark and despair crushes in. When God seems so far away I wonder if I will ever feel or hear from Him again. When the night feels like it will never give way to the morning. Or when my tears feel like they will never return to joy. Well, that is when I remind myself, His mercies are new every morning. Great is his faithfulness.
If you feel like the gentile woman today. If you feel like God isn't listening, or that everyone is looking at you wondering why in the world you are crying out to God. If you have found that your heart is more wretched than you dreamed it could be and you feel like you should give up. Take hope. He is silent so you will seek him. He allows the trial to draw you in to a deeper place in him. He has a revelation for you in this time. He desires to make you whole.
May you be blessed with a touch of mercy today.
I recently told a friend who just started reading my blog about what this entry was going to be about. I told her it was the one story of the 9 I am studying that I dreaded the most. It is the story of the Gentile woman who begs Jesus to heal her daughter and Jesus calls her a dog! Yikes... where do you go with that one? But really it is quite a fitting story for each and every one of us. So I hope you can relate to the story where Jesus calls a woman a dog! (Mt 15:21-31)
The story starts on the coasts of Tyre and Sidon just north of Israel. The woman who seeks Jesus out was a Canaanite woman, a gentile and a pagan. Her daughter is possessed and she is desperate for her to be healed. She has heard of Jesus and his healings. She hears that he has traveled to the boarders of her country and so she immediately sets off to find the only person who can help her, the messiah
The woman has traveled to find Jesus and as she sees him in the distance she begins to cry in a loud voice "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is possessed by a demon!" She recognized that she needed God's mercy in her life, she was desperate for it. She also knew Jesus was the messiah. Son of David is a title used for the messiah. But she made the claim for him to be her Lord as well. Her master. Here she is crying out with all her heart, in desperation for God's mercy, and what does Jesus do? Ignore her.
Have you ever felt like that? Like you have poured out your heart to God and yet he seems so far away? I sure have. And not just once or twice, but over and over again. Again and again in my life I have related to the prophet Jeremiah when he says "Even when I cry and shout for help, He shuts out my prayer." or "You have covered Yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through" (Lam 3:8,44). It is a terrifying feeling to cry out to God in desperation and not feel his presence or hear an answer.
And how do the disciples respond to her cries for help? Do they tell Jesus "Help this poor distraught mother, she is begging you to help her" ? NO! They tell Jesus to get rid of her. She is driving them crazy with all her shouting. Sometimes the body of Christ can be like this. It can really hurt when people don't understand why we are crying out to God so desperately.
I can remember two times in my life when people came to me and asked me why I was crying out to God like I was. The first time was when I was in high school. I had a pretty rough home life and it seemed every altar call was for me. I was so hungry for Jesus and in such desperate need of his mercy in my life. I remember a friend telling me that he and his mother were wondering why in the world I kept going up to all the altar calls. It was like a slap in my face. You can imagine I held back going to the altar for the rest of the time I attended that church. Another time I was in a season of deep healing with God. He was teaching me to forgive those who had abused me over the years. I spent more days than not with tears in my eyes. I had a respected leader in my life ask me why I was always crying. Again it was slap in my face! God was doing so much in my heart I couldn't help but cry all the time! To this day I have a hard time going up to for an altar call or asking for prayer because of these incidents. I pray I never discourage someone desperate for Jesus to cry out to Him!
So I ask, could this story get worse? Here she is crying out to Jesus, He is ignoring her and the disciples are trying to get rid of her. What more could go wrong to discourage her? The woman sees that she isn't getting any results from crying out, so she decides to draw near to him. Jesus' silence has provoked her to seek him. To draw closer to Him.
The gentile woman finally reaches Jesus and she kneels down at his feet, worships him and pleads with Jesus "Lord help me". You would think Jesus would gently put a hand on her head, tell her to rise up, her daughter is healed. Isn't that the Jesus we know? The ever patient and loving God who never turns a hurt soul away? But what does he say to her? "it is not right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs" (15:26). OK, I don't know about you, but if I was that lady, I would have turn around and run home with tears streaming down my face! Jesus just called her a dog! That was a derogatory term used to describe a gentile pagans in those days. Perhaps you could think of a few derogatory names people use to describe others that aren't like them. It was not a compliment in the least.
But what does the woman do? She acknowledges that she is a dog. She knows she is nothing in and of herself. She knows that she is not worthy of Jesus. She knows that she is relying solely on his mercy. She believes that even just a "crumb" from God will solve her problems (15:27)
Are we in a place where we know we are nothing? I seem to go through phases in my walk. It seems that there are layers of knowing my own worthless heart is hopeless w/o His mercy. I suppose if I saw all the areas of my heart at once I would be undone. The question isn't whether our heart is unworthy, the question is what we do when we realize we are unworthy. Do we prostrate ourselves before Jesus in worship and tell him that all we ask for is his mercy as this woman did? Or do we turn and run and feel sorry for ourselves?
Jesus was not trying to be mean to this woman. He was just doing what God does best, drawing her to an intimate place of worship with Him. Sometimes God has to seem silent or uncaring to us so that we will press in to seek him more. Sometimes he makes it seem like our prayers are hitting the ceiling and bouncing back to us, so that we will run to him and cry out all the more.
Finally Jesus turns to the woman and tells her that incredible faith in him and he makes her daughter whole. He wasn't ignoring her, he wasn't putting her down, he was reaching into her heart to find her faith. And he was not disappointed.
Earlier I said that I could relate to Jeremiah in Lam 3. I could understand his despair. But in the middle of that chapter there is an amazing picture of hope and grace. Lam 3:18-26 says:
My strength and my hope is perished from the LORD:
Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall.
My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.
I know I refer to that scripture a lot, but God has written it so deep with in my heart that I can't ever seem to get away from it. When everything seems dark and despair crushes in. When God seems so far away I wonder if I will ever feel or hear from Him again. When the night feels like it will never give way to the morning. Or when my tears feel like they will never return to joy. Well, that is when I remind myself, His mercies are new every morning. Great is his faithfulness.
If you feel like the gentile woman today. If you feel like God isn't listening, or that everyone is looking at you wondering why in the world you are crying out to God. If you have found that your heart is more wretched than you dreamed it could be and you feel like you should give up. Take hope. He is silent so you will seek him. He allows the trial to draw you in to a deeper place in him. He has a revelation for you in this time. He desires to make you whole.
May you be blessed with a touch of mercy today.
Monday, September 1
True Rest
I am finally getting a chance to write my first post on being "made whole". I want to start this post by being honest. The last few weeks have been really hard for me. I feel like I have been through the ringer emotionally and spiritually. I know that it is God's mercy digging into my heart and changing me to be more like him. There have been moments that I wished it could be done with a little more ease!
What I want to share with you is out of Mt 12, Mk 6 and Lu 6. It is the story of the man with the withered hand. The story starts well before Jesus arrives at the synagogue and meets the man. It starts on the road as Jesus and the disciples walk to town.
Imagine Jesus and his closest friends walking to service that morning. It is the sabbath and they haven't had anything to eat. Instead of providing his followers with a miraculous meal of loaves and fishes, he and his disciples just pick some corn from a field. The Pharisees must have been walking down the same road to the synagogue that morning, because they see Jesus and his disciples breaking their rules on what can be done on the sabbath. I say "their rules" because it wasn't scripture that forbade the harvesting of a meal on the sabbath, but the laws that had been added to scripture.
The Pharisees stop and rebuke Jesus for what He has done. You almost have to wonder what Jesus was thinking at this point. He defends his actions by quoting scriptures that refer to King David and the Priesthood breaking the laws as well. Then He says He is the Son of Man and the Lord of the Sabbath. Basically He tells the Pharisees that He is the messiah and has more of a right to break their laws than David or the Priests did. After all He is the Lord of the Sabbath. You have to realize this didn't go over well with the Pharisees
This is where we get to the story of the man with the withered hand. Imagine the Pharisees return to the synagogue fuming mad. How dare Jesus rebuke them like that and make those claims! So they decide to set him up. If he is who he says he is, then let him prove it. They decide to trap him and accuse him of breaking the sabbath in front of everyone by putting the one thing before Jesus they know he won't pass by. A crippled man.
I have no idea how they persuaded the man to go along with their plan. Maybe they just ordered him to go inside. Cripples weren't allowed in places of worship. Maybe they bribed him or threatened him. In the end it doesn't really matter. Here was this man with a withered hand standing in the midst of the crowd when Jesus and his disciples arrive. Lu 6:6 says it was the man's right hand that was crippled. In Jewish teachings the right hand was the hand of strength and blessing. Scripture often refers to God's right hand. It was a symbol of strength. So here is this man whose very ability to work and function as a normal person was withered up. His strength was withered and gone.
I wonder how this man felt? He must have known he was being used to set Jesus up. Was he afraid Jesus would just walk by and ignore him? Maybe he was even more afraid Jesus would stop and notice him.
Have you ever felt like an area of you life was just withered and dried up? Like your strength was just gone? Have you ever been so ashamed of your lack of strength that you just wanted to hide your weakness from everyone, even Jesus? Can you relate to this man? I know I can! I have been relating to him every day for the last few weeks!
So how did Jesus respond to this situation? He knows the Pharisees want to entrap Him and He sees their hard hearts. Mk 3:5 even says He was angry with them. Jesus chose to completely ignore the Pharisees. He was more concerned about the man with the withered hand.
Jesus asked the man to do something amazing here. In Lu 6:8 it says that he turned to the man and told him to rise up, step forward, and stand in the midst of the crowd. I am sure this is the last thing the man wanted to do! But he listened to Jesus and stepped out.
Then Jesus does something even more amazing. He speaks to the Pharisees. In Mt 12:11 it says Jesus asks the Pharisees if it would be lawful to find a lost sheep on the sabbath. The answer is, or course, yes. I imagine this crippled man is feeling very much like a lost sheep. He is exposed and on display for all the world to see. He must have felt not only like a lost sheep, but like a lost sheep surrounded by wolves waiting to devour him! But Jesus doesn't ask him to stand there alone, he is at his side, standing with him. Jesus is being the shepherd to this man and protecting him from the wolves in his greatest moment of weakness.
Jesus continues by asking if it is better to do good on the sabbath, or evil, to give life or destroy it. He exposes the very heart of the Pharisees. Here are the Pharisees in all their self righteousness and pride, devouring this poor innocent man for their own plans of evil and Jesus calls them on it! He doesn't expose the heart of the crippled man, though I am sure he had areas of sin that needed to be dealt with. Rather he exposed the wolves for who they were and protected the sheep when he was weakest.
Praise God Jesus does that for us. When he shows us our weakness he also stands by our side protecting us from the accusers and the wolves in our own lives. Sometimes our own guilt and shame can devour us more than anyone else ever could. But Jesus never leaves our side. He is the good shepherd and will protect us as if we were a lost sheep.
The man now knows that Jesus is standing by him as he is made vulnerable before the crowd. He understands that he is like the lost sheep and Jesus is that great shepherd protecting and saving him. So it is no wonder when Jesus asks him to do one last thing, he doesn't hesitate. And yet this is the hardest thing of all. Jesus asks the man to stretch forth his hand. To display for all to see the depths of his weakness. To be vulnerable and exposed. To bear his very heart before Jesus. But as he trusts Jesus and stretches out his greatest weakness to him, Jesus makes him whole.
The story in Matt concludes with a prophecy about Jesus "...a bruised reed shall he not break, and a smoking flax shall he not quench..." I have always loved this verse. Have you ever found a flower or plant that has been stepped on? Or maybe someone bent the stem of a flower just enough that you can see the bruises on it. It isn't quite broken, but it isn't strong any longer either. Or have you ever seen a candle with a wick just about to burn out? Maybe there is barley a glow left on the wick and it is just smoking, no longer producing light. That is what this verse is talking about. When we are at our end. When our strength is gone. When we feel stepped on and like our light is just about burnt out. Jesus never breaks the bruised reed and he would never put out the smoking flax. He desires to heal and restore and to strengthen.
Earlier in the story Jesus told the Pharisees he was Lord of the Sabbath. If you read back just a few verses further you find in Mt 11:28-30 Jesus says "Come to me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Jesus' heart is to give rest to the weary and strength to the weak.
As I thought about this I remembered Hebrews 4. It is the chapter about the ultimate Sabbath we find in Jesus, the rest for the people of God. Heb 4:9 says "there remains a rest to the people of God".
Verse 11 continues that we must labor to enter into that rest. Labor to rest? That doesn't sound right? But as I thought about this and related it to the story I began to see a beautiful truth. One God has been trying to pound into my thick head for years. If you labor in good works and are always trying to be better and make you self into a perfect person, you will burn yourself out. There is no rest in a life of striving. That is living under the law and will burden you and bind you up. But I began to think about faith and trust in Jesus. Those words sound so easy. But are they? I find the deeper I look into my heart the harder it can be to trust and have faith. I find that being vulnerable before him, trusting him and having faith require quite a bit of effort on my part. You could say I labor in faith and trust in him. But when I do.... oh the sweet rest that comes over my soul. The peace that fills me. The storm could be raging all around me and it doesn't matter. If I am looking to Jesus and trusting him, there is rest and peace. But you have to labor to keep that trust and faith in him. Life will do its best to shake it!
Hebrews continues in vs 12&13 to talk about how the word is sharper than any two edged sword and discerns the very thoughts and intents of our hearts. That all things are naked and opened to God. This is shown so clearly in this story. Jesus spoke and the very hearts of the Pharisees were exposed. He also exposed the very weakness of the crippled man. With one word God will expose our own hearts. He will show us things we wish weren't there. But as in the story, Jesus never exposes weakness just to expose it. His desire is to heal it. To make us whole.
In the end all our faith, our labor to trust him, our weakness being exposed, are for one purpose. That we might "come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Heb 4:16)
These last few weeks have been a time of great weakness in my life. There have been days when the battle in my heart was so strong that I didn't know how I was going to find the strength to finish the day. But I spent every ounce of strength I did have, in a labor of faith and trust in Jesus. No matter how weak I got in my battle, I found a rock solid peace in my heart of hearts. And through that peace came a rest and even more faith.
Like the crippled man, when we have lost all strength, we must trust God. When his word exposes our weaknesses, we must have faith to step out and make ourselves vulnerable before him. To allow his word to make us "naked and open" before him. It can be a scary feeling. It can hurt tremendously. It becomes a labor of faith and trust. But there is a promise that we will find rest and even more amazing, that we can come before him boldly! Even in our weakness we can come to him and boldly ask for grace and mercy in our time of need!
And so, by faith, I step out like the cripple man and stretch my greatest weaknesses toward God. I choose to trust him in this storm and know that he will stand by my side protecting me and in the end, healing me. It will all be worth it to be made whole.
Please don't hesitate to let me know if you need prayer!
What I want to share with you is out of Mt 12, Mk 6 and Lu 6. It is the story of the man with the withered hand. The story starts well before Jesus arrives at the synagogue and meets the man. It starts on the road as Jesus and the disciples walk to town.
Imagine Jesus and his closest friends walking to service that morning. It is the sabbath and they haven't had anything to eat. Instead of providing his followers with a miraculous meal of loaves and fishes, he and his disciples just pick some corn from a field. The Pharisees must have been walking down the same road to the synagogue that morning, because they see Jesus and his disciples breaking their rules on what can be done on the sabbath. I say "their rules" because it wasn't scripture that forbade the harvesting of a meal on the sabbath, but the laws that had been added to scripture.
The Pharisees stop and rebuke Jesus for what He has done. You almost have to wonder what Jesus was thinking at this point. He defends his actions by quoting scriptures that refer to King David and the Priesthood breaking the laws as well. Then He says He is the Son of Man and the Lord of the Sabbath. Basically He tells the Pharisees that He is the messiah and has more of a right to break their laws than David or the Priests did. After all He is the Lord of the Sabbath. You have to realize this didn't go over well with the Pharisees
This is where we get to the story of the man with the withered hand. Imagine the Pharisees return to the synagogue fuming mad. How dare Jesus rebuke them like that and make those claims! So they decide to set him up. If he is who he says he is, then let him prove it. They decide to trap him and accuse him of breaking the sabbath in front of everyone by putting the one thing before Jesus they know he won't pass by. A crippled man.
I have no idea how they persuaded the man to go along with their plan. Maybe they just ordered him to go inside. Cripples weren't allowed in places of worship. Maybe they bribed him or threatened him. In the end it doesn't really matter. Here was this man with a withered hand standing in the midst of the crowd when Jesus and his disciples arrive. Lu 6:6 says it was the man's right hand that was crippled. In Jewish teachings the right hand was the hand of strength and blessing. Scripture often refers to God's right hand. It was a symbol of strength. So here is this man whose very ability to work and function as a normal person was withered up. His strength was withered and gone.
I wonder how this man felt? He must have known he was being used to set Jesus up. Was he afraid Jesus would just walk by and ignore him? Maybe he was even more afraid Jesus would stop and notice him.
Have you ever felt like an area of you life was just withered and dried up? Like your strength was just gone? Have you ever been so ashamed of your lack of strength that you just wanted to hide your weakness from everyone, even Jesus? Can you relate to this man? I know I can! I have been relating to him every day for the last few weeks!
So how did Jesus respond to this situation? He knows the Pharisees want to entrap Him and He sees their hard hearts. Mk 3:5 even says He was angry with them. Jesus chose to completely ignore the Pharisees. He was more concerned about the man with the withered hand.
Jesus asked the man to do something amazing here. In Lu 6:8 it says that he turned to the man and told him to rise up, step forward, and stand in the midst of the crowd. I am sure this is the last thing the man wanted to do! But he listened to Jesus and stepped out.
Then Jesus does something even more amazing. He speaks to the Pharisees. In Mt 12:11 it says Jesus asks the Pharisees if it would be lawful to find a lost sheep on the sabbath. The answer is, or course, yes. I imagine this crippled man is feeling very much like a lost sheep. He is exposed and on display for all the world to see. He must have felt not only like a lost sheep, but like a lost sheep surrounded by wolves waiting to devour him! But Jesus doesn't ask him to stand there alone, he is at his side, standing with him. Jesus is being the shepherd to this man and protecting him from the wolves in his greatest moment of weakness.
Jesus continues by asking if it is better to do good on the sabbath, or evil, to give life or destroy it. He exposes the very heart of the Pharisees. Here are the Pharisees in all their self righteousness and pride, devouring this poor innocent man for their own plans of evil and Jesus calls them on it! He doesn't expose the heart of the crippled man, though I am sure he had areas of sin that needed to be dealt with. Rather he exposed the wolves for who they were and protected the sheep when he was weakest.
Praise God Jesus does that for us. When he shows us our weakness he also stands by our side protecting us from the accusers and the wolves in our own lives. Sometimes our own guilt and shame can devour us more than anyone else ever could. But Jesus never leaves our side. He is the good shepherd and will protect us as if we were a lost sheep.
The man now knows that Jesus is standing by him as he is made vulnerable before the crowd. He understands that he is like the lost sheep and Jesus is that great shepherd protecting and saving him. So it is no wonder when Jesus asks him to do one last thing, he doesn't hesitate. And yet this is the hardest thing of all. Jesus asks the man to stretch forth his hand. To display for all to see the depths of his weakness. To be vulnerable and exposed. To bear his very heart before Jesus. But as he trusts Jesus and stretches out his greatest weakness to him, Jesus makes him whole.
The story in Matt concludes with a prophecy about Jesus "...a bruised reed shall he not break, and a smoking flax shall he not quench..." I have always loved this verse. Have you ever found a flower or plant that has been stepped on? Or maybe someone bent the stem of a flower just enough that you can see the bruises on it. It isn't quite broken, but it isn't strong any longer either. Or have you ever seen a candle with a wick just about to burn out? Maybe there is barley a glow left on the wick and it is just smoking, no longer producing light. That is what this verse is talking about. When we are at our end. When our strength is gone. When we feel stepped on and like our light is just about burnt out. Jesus never breaks the bruised reed and he would never put out the smoking flax. He desires to heal and restore and to strengthen.
Earlier in the story Jesus told the Pharisees he was Lord of the Sabbath. If you read back just a few verses further you find in Mt 11:28-30 Jesus says "Come to me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Jesus' heart is to give rest to the weary and strength to the weak.
As I thought about this I remembered Hebrews 4. It is the chapter about the ultimate Sabbath we find in Jesus, the rest for the people of God. Heb 4:9 says "there remains a rest to the people of God".
Verse 11 continues that we must labor to enter into that rest. Labor to rest? That doesn't sound right? But as I thought about this and related it to the story I began to see a beautiful truth. One God has been trying to pound into my thick head for years. If you labor in good works and are always trying to be better and make you self into a perfect person, you will burn yourself out. There is no rest in a life of striving. That is living under the law and will burden you and bind you up. But I began to think about faith and trust in Jesus. Those words sound so easy. But are they? I find the deeper I look into my heart the harder it can be to trust and have faith. I find that being vulnerable before him, trusting him and having faith require quite a bit of effort on my part. You could say I labor in faith and trust in him. But when I do.... oh the sweet rest that comes over my soul. The peace that fills me. The storm could be raging all around me and it doesn't matter. If I am looking to Jesus and trusting him, there is rest and peace. But you have to labor to keep that trust and faith in him. Life will do its best to shake it!
Hebrews continues in vs 12&13 to talk about how the word is sharper than any two edged sword and discerns the very thoughts and intents of our hearts. That all things are naked and opened to God. This is shown so clearly in this story. Jesus spoke and the very hearts of the Pharisees were exposed. He also exposed the very weakness of the crippled man. With one word God will expose our own hearts. He will show us things we wish weren't there. But as in the story, Jesus never exposes weakness just to expose it. His desire is to heal it. To make us whole.
In the end all our faith, our labor to trust him, our weakness being exposed, are for one purpose. That we might "come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Heb 4:16)
These last few weeks have been a time of great weakness in my life. There have been days when the battle in my heart was so strong that I didn't know how I was going to find the strength to finish the day. But I spent every ounce of strength I did have, in a labor of faith and trust in Jesus. No matter how weak I got in my battle, I found a rock solid peace in my heart of hearts. And through that peace came a rest and even more faith.
Like the crippled man, when we have lost all strength, we must trust God. When his word exposes our weaknesses, we must have faith to step out and make ourselves vulnerable before him. To allow his word to make us "naked and open" before him. It can be a scary feeling. It can hurt tremendously. It becomes a labor of faith and trust. But there is a promise that we will find rest and even more amazing, that we can come before him boldly! Even in our weakness we can come to him and boldly ask for grace and mercy in our time of need!
And so, by faith, I step out like the cripple man and stretch my greatest weaknesses toward God. I choose to trust him in this storm and know that he will stand by my side protecting me and in the end, healing me. It will all be worth it to be made whole.
Please don't hesitate to let me know if you need prayer!
Friday, August 8
It has been a while
I am back! I know it has been a while since I last posted on my blog. Life has been crazy for me this summer. But I am back and hope to update my blog frequently this fall, so check in and find some encouragement when you need it!
I am going to ask you for prayer in the coming months. I recently volunteered myself to teach a wed night bible study at our church. I will be teaching my class in January. If this was a normal study I probably wouldn't be asking you to pray for me, but this is anything but an ordinary bible study. You see God birthed it in my spirit and I am writing it from my heart. It is something God has been speaking to me for years and is finally coming together. I know that over the next few months as I research, study and pray this bible study is going to rip my heart open and do a deep work in places I would probably rather leave untouched. You see the bible study is on "being made whole".
Years ago when I spent one of my summers in NYC working for Times Square Church God began to stir a cry in my heart to be "made whole". I was raised in a rather dysfunctional home with the typical sad story of divorce, alcoholism, abuse, remarriage, more abuse, and my share of rejection. The toll it took on my heart and spirit is like the toll it takes on anyone. It left me crippled. I spent so many years limping around feeling like a lame man in my relationships, like a bleeding woman with more than one issue draining my heart, and a blind man groping for hope in a dark world. So that summer in NYC (1998 I believe) God began to stir my heart with a cry to be made whole. That I wouldn't just be healed of the scars, but that my heart and soul would be made complete... whole. God also made a promise to me that he would do just that, heal me completely. So for years I have stood in faith that he would set me free and that one day (this side of heaven) I would be able to say with confidence that I was whole.
Several years ago as I continued down my own path of healing God began to speak to me about a bible study. This study would go through 9 healings where the phrase "made whole" is used. I began to study the first healing of the woman with the issue of blood and it changed my life. Unfortunately after I completed that first lesson the bible study got shelved. Then a few months ago God began to ask me to pull it out again and to begin working on it. I knew he wanted me to step up and ask my pastor if I could teach one of the wed night classes at our church. After a lot of wrestling with my low self esteem and more than my share of lies about what God really wanted, I volunteered myself to lead the study.
As I have begun to dig into the other healings in the study I am finding that my heart is being exposed to the light of God's word. Oh the depths that hide with in my own heart! Yet I am excited to see what weaknesses are lurking in my heart. To know what areas cripple and hinder me. I know that God doesn't reveal these things to tear us down. He exposes them to heal us and set us free. And quite frankly, I am tired of limping through my life with scars from my past and wounds from abuse affecting every area of my life. Especially my family. My husband doesn't deserve my past, my children don't deserve my past, and quite frankly I don't want it any more.
So pray for me. Pray as I press into His word and seek the truth that will set me free. As I study I will post my lessons for you to read as well. I hope that someone out there will need the truths as desperately as I do. Perhaps my journey of healing can be your journey as well. I would also love to hear from you. Your insight into the study might be a valuable part of my research. I can't do this alone!
So be patient with me as I wrestle through this study and post my findings. Pray for me. And by all means, let me know what you think!
I am going to ask you for prayer in the coming months. I recently volunteered myself to teach a wed night bible study at our church. I will be teaching my class in January. If this was a normal study I probably wouldn't be asking you to pray for me, but this is anything but an ordinary bible study. You see God birthed it in my spirit and I am writing it from my heart. It is something God has been speaking to me for years and is finally coming together. I know that over the next few months as I research, study and pray this bible study is going to rip my heart open and do a deep work in places I would probably rather leave untouched. You see the bible study is on "being made whole".
Years ago when I spent one of my summers in NYC working for Times Square Church God began to stir a cry in my heart to be "made whole". I was raised in a rather dysfunctional home with the typical sad story of divorce, alcoholism, abuse, remarriage, more abuse, and my share of rejection. The toll it took on my heart and spirit is like the toll it takes on anyone. It left me crippled. I spent so many years limping around feeling like a lame man in my relationships, like a bleeding woman with more than one issue draining my heart, and a blind man groping for hope in a dark world. So that summer in NYC (1998 I believe) God began to stir my heart with a cry to be made whole. That I wouldn't just be healed of the scars, but that my heart and soul would be made complete... whole. God also made a promise to me that he would do just that, heal me completely. So for years I have stood in faith that he would set me free and that one day (this side of heaven) I would be able to say with confidence that I was whole.
Several years ago as I continued down my own path of healing God began to speak to me about a bible study. This study would go through 9 healings where the phrase "made whole" is used. I began to study the first healing of the woman with the issue of blood and it changed my life. Unfortunately after I completed that first lesson the bible study got shelved. Then a few months ago God began to ask me to pull it out again and to begin working on it. I knew he wanted me to step up and ask my pastor if I could teach one of the wed night classes at our church. After a lot of wrestling with my low self esteem and more than my share of lies about what God really wanted, I volunteered myself to lead the study.
As I have begun to dig into the other healings in the study I am finding that my heart is being exposed to the light of God's word. Oh the depths that hide with in my own heart! Yet I am excited to see what weaknesses are lurking in my heart. To know what areas cripple and hinder me. I know that God doesn't reveal these things to tear us down. He exposes them to heal us and set us free. And quite frankly, I am tired of limping through my life with scars from my past and wounds from abuse affecting every area of my life. Especially my family. My husband doesn't deserve my past, my children don't deserve my past, and quite frankly I don't want it any more.
So pray for me. Pray as I press into His word and seek the truth that will set me free. As I study I will post my lessons for you to read as well. I hope that someone out there will need the truths as desperately as I do. Perhaps my journey of healing can be your journey as well. I would also love to hear from you. Your insight into the study might be a valuable part of my research. I can't do this alone!
So be patient with me as I wrestle through this study and post my findings. Pray for me. And by all means, let me know what you think!
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