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This morning I was going through some old papers I have from High School. I found all kinds of poems and songs and things I had written to express my heart. It was amazing to read things I had written as a teenager and to have all the old memories become crystal clear again. I wanted to share something I wrote entitled simply "A Prayer".
Feb 28, 1993
A Prayer
Lord-
It seems just last week I prayed You'd build a protective wall around me. A wall that would keep people far enough away that I'd never get really hurt again. Well, now You've opened my eyes and I realized I've built a wall on my own. And unfortunately, somehow, I find You got shoved just outside the wall. Without realizing it, I've built the wall around myself, all on my own. A wall of fear, uncertainty, worry, insecurity, stress and worst of all, loneliness.
I see myself peeping over the wall wondering how it could have happened so fast. When I realize its been growing steadily for sometime. I've blocked You and everyone else out for so long I didn't even notice the wall is so high I can barely look over it. How could I have let this happen? When I prayed for protection I didn't see what I should have asked for. I didn't need a wall, but Your love.
No matter what happens, a wall will only hurt me, but Your love can heal me. I don't need a stack of bricks as cold as ice around my heart to protect me, I need Your love and forgiveness to heal my pain.
Please, somehow, help me take my wall down and rebuild my self protection with Your love and assurence. Help me rely on You to fill my needs and help me deal with my problems instead of hiding behind my fortress of bitterness and anger.
My walls will only crumple in on me if someone attacks me, but if I turn to You, and rely on Your grace to protect me, a person won't be able to reach the center of who I am, the soul of myself.
I'll have my share of scrapes and bruises, but at least they'll get bandaged up by Your loving hands. Please open my eyes, ears, and heart to You.
What amazes me is that this cry for healing stayed in my heart for years. Then in 1998 God brought all that pain, all the hurt, fear and loneliness to a place of reckoning. I couldn't keep walking in my brokenness and a cry to be made whole consumed my heart. God gave me a promise that summer that he would "make me whole".
Now a decade later I am preparing to teach a bible study to women about being made whole. I know that I still have issues I struggle with, but I can see how God truly has made my heart whole in so many ways. All the bitterness, anger and hurt that used to fill my life seem like a vague memory. When I stop and search my heart of hearts I find a deep and everlasting love that has become a foundation to stand on in any storm. God truly has traded all my sorrows for joy. I have so much to be thankful for.
This New Year's Eve I don't have any thoughts of what this year might hold. I don't know what trials or joys may come my way. But I do know where I have come from. I know that God has delivered me out of some very dark pits and set my feet on the rock of His love. I know that He will never forsake me or leave me. That His heart for me is consumed with an everlasting love with no end. And because of that, I can rejoice in the upcoming year. It is in the hands of a might God who loves me eternally.
No matter what our new year might bring our way, I pray that you find your heart and life filled with unexpected blessings. That you will know God's love in a new and deeper way. God Bless You!!!!
Wednesday, December 31
Tuesday, December 16
A Sister in Need
This Christmas I have been thinking about the Christmas story in a new way. I was asked to speak at our church's Women's Ministry Christmas party last week. As I prepared to speak I kept reading through the Christmas story wondering if there was an angle in it for women. And not just the "tried and true" faithful Mary story. God began to show me something that really blessed me. I didn't end up speaking on it at the party, but want to share it with all of you who read my blog.
Believe it or not there is women's ministry in the story of Christmas. It is found in the relationship between Mary and Elisabeth. The young girl, Mary, was in a terrible crisis in her life. She was bearly a teenager and finds herself the fulfillment of the greatest prophecies of all time. She is going to bear a child out of wedlock. What to think about that! She is thrilled, but as she tells her parents and betrothed she finds herself in a battle that overwhelms her. Imagine what her parents thought? They must have been so humiliated, hurt and angry with her. I doubt they believed her story, would you? Then there is Joseph. The young, trusting fiance who has devoted his life and future to her. We all know that he was thrown for a loop! He must have said some pretty hurtful things in his own pain and confusion. So all of that leaves us with one very hurt young girl who, most likely, hadn't had to face a trial this fierce in her whole life. She is, after all, just a teenager.
Who does Mary turn to in her time of need? Her parents whom she has always been able to trust and run to with her problems? Her future husband who is suppose to love and cherish her til "death do us part"? These people have all disappointed and hurt her. Who can she possibly turn to?
This is where the story leads us to Elisabeth. A woman who has lived life. She has faced the shame of being childless. She has had to live with all the whispers of the neighbors. She has had to ignore the looks of mothers as they pass her in the street and wonder what sin Elisabeth could possibly have committed to deserve the curse of barrenness. She has had to live with the ache in her heart of unfulfilled dreams. She has had to learn how to fill her life with God and not the things of this world. She also has something in common with Mary. She too, has the promise from an angel that she will bear a special son of prophecy. She too, has had to stand in faith on God's word when all seemed impossible. She is on the other side of the trial, realizing the blessing of God's faithfulness. She is the perfect person for Mary to run to to find comfort and strength.
So Mary packs her bags and heads out on the long journey to visit Elisabeth. She is weary, tired, and in the greatest trial of her life. She arrives at Elisabeth's door and is greeted with encouragement, affirmation, and the very heart of God for her. Yes the child she bears is indeed the Messiah, the coming savior. Elisabeth's greeting so encouraged Mary that she breaks out in praises to God. In fact this is one of the only times you will see a song of praise written out in the Gospels (Zachariah says one at the birth of John as well). We don't know all of what Elisabeth said to Mary in that moment. The Gospels are very brief in her comments. But we do know that Mary begins to praise God for who he is and what he is doing through her life and her trial.
Mary spent three months living with Elisabeth. Three months being encouraged, strengthened and prayed for. Three months of listening to the wisdom of Elisabeth. Three months of being told she is indeed carrying the Messiah. What an amazing gift Elisabeth gave to Mary.
So the question I have for you is: Are you a Mary or an Elisabeth right now? Are you in a trial you feel you can't bear on your own? Are you someone who has encouragement and strength to offer other women in need? We all need each other so much. As women we especially need the strength that comes from other women. We can be such a blessing to each other if we are willing to risk a little and give from our hearts.
And so this Christmas I challenge you to see who you can reach out to. Or who you can trust with your burden. We need each other and we need to be reminded of just how awesome our God is.
If you are feeling discouraged and overwhelmed know that Jesus wasn't just a baby born in a manger, he came to be your healer, the lifter of your burdens, and the one you can trust your heart to. Even if you don't have an Elisabeth in your life right now, you have the love of Almighty God reaching out to you in the gift of his son. And he does love you, with an everlasting love.
Let me know if you need any prayer! Leave an anonymous comment or share your heart with others in a comment
And Merry Christmas!
Believe it or not there is women's ministry in the story of Christmas. It is found in the relationship between Mary and Elisabeth. The young girl, Mary, was in a terrible crisis in her life. She was bearly a teenager and finds herself the fulfillment of the greatest prophecies of all time. She is going to bear a child out of wedlock. What to think about that! She is thrilled, but as she tells her parents and betrothed she finds herself in a battle that overwhelms her. Imagine what her parents thought? They must have been so humiliated, hurt and angry with her. I doubt they believed her story, would you? Then there is Joseph. The young, trusting fiance who has devoted his life and future to her. We all know that he was thrown for a loop! He must have said some pretty hurtful things in his own pain and confusion. So all of that leaves us with one very hurt young girl who, most likely, hadn't had to face a trial this fierce in her whole life. She is, after all, just a teenager.
Who does Mary turn to in her time of need? Her parents whom she has always been able to trust and run to with her problems? Her future husband who is suppose to love and cherish her til "death do us part"? These people have all disappointed and hurt her. Who can she possibly turn to?
This is where the story leads us to Elisabeth. A woman who has lived life. She has faced the shame of being childless. She has had to live with all the whispers of the neighbors. She has had to ignore the looks of mothers as they pass her in the street and wonder what sin Elisabeth could possibly have committed to deserve the curse of barrenness. She has had to live with the ache in her heart of unfulfilled dreams. She has had to learn how to fill her life with God and not the things of this world. She also has something in common with Mary. She too, has the promise from an angel that she will bear a special son of prophecy. She too, has had to stand in faith on God's word when all seemed impossible. She is on the other side of the trial, realizing the blessing of God's faithfulness. She is the perfect person for Mary to run to to find comfort and strength.
So Mary packs her bags and heads out on the long journey to visit Elisabeth. She is weary, tired, and in the greatest trial of her life. She arrives at Elisabeth's door and is greeted with encouragement, affirmation, and the very heart of God for her. Yes the child she bears is indeed the Messiah, the coming savior. Elisabeth's greeting so encouraged Mary that she breaks out in praises to God. In fact this is one of the only times you will see a song of praise written out in the Gospels (Zachariah says one at the birth of John as well). We don't know all of what Elisabeth said to Mary in that moment. The Gospels are very brief in her comments. But we do know that Mary begins to praise God for who he is and what he is doing through her life and her trial.
Mary spent three months living with Elisabeth. Three months being encouraged, strengthened and prayed for. Three months of listening to the wisdom of Elisabeth. Three months of being told she is indeed carrying the Messiah. What an amazing gift Elisabeth gave to Mary.
So the question I have for you is: Are you a Mary or an Elisabeth right now? Are you in a trial you feel you can't bear on your own? Are you someone who has encouragement and strength to offer other women in need? We all need each other so much. As women we especially need the strength that comes from other women. We can be such a blessing to each other if we are willing to risk a little and give from our hearts.
And so this Christmas I challenge you to see who you can reach out to. Or who you can trust with your burden. We need each other and we need to be reminded of just how awesome our God is.
If you are feeling discouraged and overwhelmed know that Jesus wasn't just a baby born in a manger, he came to be your healer, the lifter of your burdens, and the one you can trust your heart to. Even if you don't have an Elisabeth in your life right now, you have the love of Almighty God reaching out to you in the gift of his son. And he does love you, with an everlasting love.
Let me know if you need any prayer! Leave an anonymous comment or share your heart with others in a comment
And Merry Christmas!
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