It has been a while

I am back! I know it has been a while since I last posted on my blog. Life has been crazy for me this summer. But I am back and hope to update my blog frequently this fall, so check in and find some encouragement when you need it!

I am going to ask you for prayer in the coming months. I recently volunteered myself to teach a wed night bible study at our church. I will be teaching my class in January. If this was a normal study I probably wouldn't be asking you to pray for me, but this is anything but an ordinary bible study. You see God birthed it in my spirit and I am writing it from my heart. It is something God has been speaking to me for years and is finally coming together. I know that over the next few months as I research, study and pray this bible study is going to rip my heart open and do a deep work in places I would probably rather leave untouched. You see the bible study is on "being made whole".

Years ago when I spent one of my summers in NYC working for Times Square Church God began to stir a cry in my heart to be "made whole". I was raised in a rather dysfunctional home with the typical sad story of divorce, alcoholism, abuse, remarriage, more abuse, and my share of rejection. The toll it took on my heart and spirit is like the toll it takes on anyone. It left me crippled. I spent so many years limping around feeling like a lame man in my relationships, like a bleeding woman with more than one issue draining my heart, and a blind man groping for hope in a dark world. So that summer in NYC (1998 I believe) God began to stir my heart with a cry to be made whole. That I wouldn't just be healed of the scars, but that my heart and soul would be made complete... whole. God also made a promise to me that he would do just that, heal me completely. So for years I have stood in faith that he would set me free and that one day (this side of heaven) I would be able to say with confidence that I was whole.

Several years ago as I continued down my own path of healing God began to speak to me about a bible study. This study would go through 9 healings where the phrase "made whole" is used. I began to study the first healing of the woman with the issue of blood and it changed my life. Unfortunately after I completed that first lesson the bible study got shelved. Then a few months ago God began to ask me to pull it out again and to begin working on it. I knew he wanted me to step up and ask my pastor if I could teach one of the wed night classes at our church. After a lot of wrestling with my low self esteem and more than my share of lies about what God really wanted, I volunteered myself to lead the study.

As I have begun to dig into the other healings in the study I am finding that my heart is being exposed to the light of God's word. Oh the depths that hide with in my own heart! Yet I am excited to see what weaknesses are lurking in my heart. To know what areas cripple and hinder me. I know that God doesn't reveal these things to tear us down. He exposes them to heal us and set us free. And quite frankly, I am tired of limping through my life with scars from my past and wounds from abuse affecting every area of my life. Especially my family. My husband doesn't deserve my past, my children don't deserve my past, and quite frankly I don't want it any more.
So pray for me. Pray as I press into His word and seek the truth that will set me free. As I study I will post my lessons for you to read as well. I hope that someone out there will need the truths as desperately as I do. Perhaps my journey of healing can be your journey as well. I would also love to hear from you. Your insight into the study might be a valuable part of my research. I can't do this alone!

So be patient with me as I wrestle through this study and post my findings. Pray for me. And by all means, let me know what you think!